"If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you always wanted back."

Well, would you? I don't know that I would. In my mind, that sounds like a great idea. Go back, change this one thing, and everything would be great. But that's a lie. Have you ever seen Ashton Kutcher's movie The Butterfly Effect? He goes back in time and changes little things, just these little things that shouldn't make that big of a difference. But they change EVERYTHING. So yes, while in theory it sounds great, wonderful even, I know that my life today would never be the same. There are things in my life that I wish had gone differently. Things I wish I done differently. Had I done them though, my life could be completely different today. I could not have the friends that I have. I could not live in my own house. I would be a different person...I wouldn't be ME.

So what would you do? If you could change that moment, would you snatch up the opportunity, or let it pass you by?

The key to change is to let go of fear.

Change. Such a small word with such a large meaning. Change. Something that is good, but scares me witless. I've never been good at coping with change. At least not at first. I'm dealing with so much change right now, that I honestly don't know what to do with it all. Some of this change is wonderful. Some of the change makes me want to cry.

My dad, step mom, brother, and sister, and soon to be sister all just moved to Mississippi. I'm really going to miss them. I've only lived near them for year and now I have to give them up. It sucks. However, due to the move, my best friend and I are getting to live in their house. It's so scary and exciting all at the same time.

The other big thing that's changing are my friendships. I know that people drift and grow apart, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I was looking at my facebook friends the other day and seeing all of my high school best friends that I never even talk to. I loved every last one of them and still do. I want to be able to pin point the time when we started drifting apart, because that's the kind of person I am. There's no way. It's a slow process that you don't realize is happening until it's done. On the other side of that, I have my friends that I still feel are my best friends... even though we don't talk often. How weird is that? I don't talk to some people and I feel as though the friendship is gone, but I don't talk to other people and I know that we're still best friends. I know that we'll still run and tackle each other with hugs the next time we see each other.

The one big thing that saddens me is that I can look at all of my high school friends and for each of them I can say "You changed my life." In some way or another each one of them did and I can pinpoint exactly what they did that changed my life. It makes you wonder... What have I done with my life? How have I affected my friends? Have I been a good influence? Have I changed their lives? Part of me hopes that I have. I hope that I've changed their lives as much as they've changed mine.

To all of my friends of the past and present: You have changed my life. Every last one of you. I love you. Thank you for making me the person that I am today... I hope that I'm someone you'd be proud of.

Always,

A Whole New World

Hey there.

So, this blogging thing is a whole new world to me. I'm not used to it. I've never understood why people would want to read the random things that I have written. However, I have recently had a strong desire to start a blog. So here I am. I may not be very good at blogging, but I am a very quick learner and hope to get better in time.

As a new blogger, I should share some things about myself.

-I stay up way too late. Always. It doesn't matter what time I have to get out of bed the next morning.

-I can't handle when people misuse you're/your.

-I'm ditzy sometime but can be very deep at times as well.

-I don't follow jokes very well. Most of the time I just pretend I know what's going on.

-I tend to describe how I'm feeling with quotes. It's easier that way because I have a hard time putting my feelings into coherent sentences sometimes.

-I'm addicted to One Tree Hill, Friends, Boy Meets World, Dawson's Creek, Bg Brother, and So You Think You Can Dance.

-I will also admit to enjoying shows such as Wizards of Waverly Place and Zoe 101.

-I love storms. A lot. Unless I have to go somewhere, then they just piss me off.

-I love kids.

-I love working with kids.

-I can't wait until I'm to the point in my life when I can teach them.

-I am a book fiend. I tend to get mad though, because I read too fast and books never last long enough.

-I'm very OCD about some things, yet very sloppy about others.

-I wish I was capable of drawing. I am not. My drawing are always of stick people.

-I'd love to get a meaningful tattoo, however I am terrified of needles. I draw on myself instead.

-I tend to bottle up my feelings.

-Seeing as I bottle up my feelings, there comes time when I really need to just cry or scream.

-I love to bake. My favorite movie to watch while baking is Yours, Mine, and Ours.

-I love getting dressed up.

-I never have enough reason to get dolled up.

-Sometimes I'm completely okay with who I am. Other times I feel like I need to be someone entirely different.

-I like almost all types of movies. I love chick flicks but I also love to watch a good horror or action flick.

-As much I love horror movies, I hate watching them unless there is a male near by. I don't care if he's a friend, family member, or boyfriend. I just want one close by.

-I really miss the shows of my childhood. Doug, Are You Afraid of the Dark, Hey Arnold, Clarissa Explains It All, etc.

-I'm terrible at ALL sports but I enjoy attempting to play them.

-My feet are ALWAYS cold.

-The rest of my body usually is as well.

-I LOVE homemade gifts. I never get rid of them.

-If you make me a mix cd, I might possibly love you forever.

-I've always wanted to make a build a bear with someone.

-I hope that one day someone I know gets asked out via Build a Bear. With the voicebox asking them out. I think that would be adorable.

-While I love sappy love story movies and books, I also really hate them because they give you such an unrealistic outlook on life.

-Usually I'm very optimistic and bubbly. But I have my times when I'm mean. I don't mean to be...I just am.

-I try to get away from people when I know that I'm in a mean mood.

-I tend to hold in all of my emotions. I don't like to share my feelings. I'm working on changing that.

-I use theatre as a therapy.

-I'm missing theatre A LOT.

-I'm really random.

-I tend to ramble when I'm nervous.

-I'm a hopeless romantic.

-I get scared over silly things.

-I over analyze everything.

-When I'm pissy, I turn my music up really loud, belt out some songs and then I'm usually okay.

-I am constantly working on becoming a better person. Sometimes it's working, while other times I fall backwards. I am always trying though.

That's me. I'm a little weird. I'm a little random. And I'm okay with that.

Always,